Hello there people. It has been a while since I wrote
a new blog post, was caught up with work. Today however, I decided to do what I
love to do and do best! :)
This article is for all those couples or individuals
who are going to get married, have been married for an year or two or are newlyweds.
You know how we blindly follow a system, religion, rituals, traditions etc.etc. All to avoid whatever those four people would talk about, if you did not do it. We do things which we have seen being been done, have been shown to us, or taught to us. Our system doesn’t let us question it. If we do, we feel guilty or we are susshed! Not many people like to hear the ‘why?’. Also, many parents would want their child to be an adult at some places and a child at another. That doesn’t work! Does it? It only messes him/he up all the more. When parents feel that their children have reached a certain marriageable age, aren’t they big enough then? They know what is best for them. They differentiate right from wrong. From that day forward; when two souls are tied together as one separate family, as husband and wife, they take their own decisions, buy their own groceries, run their own house. They may choose to do a lot of stuff the way they saw their parents do it, but this rule wouldn’t and shouldn’t apply to everything! :)
When we get married, we are apprehensive at first,
eventually we start learning the regular day to day stuff about each other. We learn
to adjust to each other’s needs. We grow together every day. We cook at home
and eat out sometimes; we may lazy around in our pajamas some days and just
order a Pizza. We may watch movies back to back or an entire season all night
long. We travel together - see new places. We go to our respective places of
work and come back into the comforts of a warm house, into the arms of your
beloved. We are getting closer every single minute. Aren’t we? And isn’t it
beautiful?
Ever thought why we get married? Or, When do you
decide that you are ready? Is it just because it’s a societal norm? Is it
because of that aunty who keeps asking you, ‘Beta shaadi kab kar raha hai?’ Is
it when you do not want to stay a virgin anymore? Is it just to reproduce? Why?
There has to be a reason, a time, a choice, a decision…
Marriage is a companionship. A lifelong friendship. As
days pass by, you realise how important your life partner becomes, how
important that bond is, that person is in your life. One week away and feel as
though, everything is falling apart. Marriage is a union of two consenting
adults who decide to live their life monogamously, loving- respecting-
cherishing each other. You change after that ring slides into your finger, you
change not because you have to. You change because it is needed, it is the only
constant. You do it happily, you do it willingly. Therefore, first things first
realize that it is a commitment, a promise which must be honoured. Only when
you are willing to keep it up, should you be tied in the chords of matrimony.
Now that we have discussed about marriage, and those
questions people throw at you have been answered. You think it is all over. Hahahhaahahaah!!
Welcome to the other side. You just graduated your way into a whole new set of
questions. As soon you complete a year of your togetherness there would be
umpteen numbers of questions thrown your way, ‘Do you have babies?’, ‘When do
you plan on having a baby?’ , ‘Any good news?’, ‘You aren’t feeling well? Oh!! It
must be some good news!’ Etc. Etc. Etcetera… it just goes on and on on!
Sometimes it is funny, other times it is annoying. When
I went home in summer vacations, my housemaid told me, the nest time you are
here, come with a souvenir of Nagpur ( agli baar aana toh Nagpur ki nishani le
ke aana ) and I retorted, ‘Oranges?’ she laughed thinking I was silly, I pretended
as though I did not understand what she meant and gave an artificial smile. When
I came back to my husband, I told him that, with the completion of a year, what
we dreaded is now approaching towards us. Those infuriating, irksome, maddening
questions, and that we need to prepare ourselves. I know we are not the only
ones. There are so many couples like us who face this or will face it. Trust me
when I wasn’t married, I thought it was fun teasing married didi’s with
reference to kids (I am so sorry!). Now that I am in the same boat, I do not
appreciate it :/ LOL
Here we are, a year down and people expect us to
start multiplying! Are you people even for real? -_- We have barely started our
lives together, there is so much to achieve together, so many things to do- together,
so many places to see- together, so many memories to make- together. We realize
how big a responsibility it is to increase your family, and we will do it when
we are ready. [ Fair enough! ]
Just as two people decided that they are ready to
come together in holy matrimony, they decided they were ready for this new
phase of life, they will together make the decision to have a baby or to wait. Isn’t
it simple? They will know when they are physically, emotionally and financially
ready to have a baby. I think this is only fair :)
And what if, there is a couple who does not wish to
have a baby, at all? Does that make them bad human beings? Is it fair to label
them as selfish? I think not. This is where I’d say ‘it is their life and their
choice’. Here this statement holds its ground- rather than at a place where you’d
do any illegal, immoral thing in the shadow of this bold statement. Life does
not end literally if a couple does not procreate. To think of it, in any case
after a few years it would just be the two of you again, when children move out
to work, settle down in different cities. I don’t see much difference there
anyway!
There is one thing however, of utmost importance and
that is – you must never give away that place which you had for your wife or
your husband to your children. Your closeness, your personal space is important.
Every relationship has its own importance. Do not forget that it was the two of
you first, and then came along the little one. You two will always be there for
each other no matter what.
:)
The
Don’ts:
·
Do not have a baby, because your
parents/ grandparents what you to have one.
·
Do not have a baby, because all your friends
are having babies.
·
Do not have a baby, because you are
going to be 30. (no one understands the biological clock!)
·
Do not have a baby, thinking it will fix
your marriage. ( it usually doesn’t)
·
Do not have a baby, just for fun. (it is
no fun!)
The
Do’s:
·
Talk to each other about it. Decide on a
3 - 5 year plan.
·
Your partners wish is equally important.
·
Realize that you both need to be ready
for parenthood.
·
See if you are financially sound enough
to have a baby.
·
Ask yourself ( both of you ), ‘am I willing
to make necessary changes in this lifestyle of mine?’
·
Know whether you both are physically and
emotionally ready for the umpteen number of changes that will happen from
conception to birth and beyond.
·
Are you ready to put a halt to your
career and dreams for a while. ( maybe 3 years)
·
Age is just a number. The key is stability.
Maturity is personal and so is readiness.
Remember that it is only up to the both of
you whether or not you want to have children, and when you want to have them. It
is very important for both of you to talk and decide. Also, men, once you both
have decided upon a plan, it is essential for you to stand by your wife if a
question is thrown at her. J Both kinds of couples (those who decide
to have kids and those who don’t, face their own advantages and disadvantages)
Come on, don’t think of bashing up this post. Admit the hard facts of life. If marriage
brings about a 180 degree shift in your life, a kid brings about a 360 degree
flip.
You should not step on to the ladder if you are not
genuinely prepared for it. When you decide upon having a baby, you are making
life – it is beautiful. You carry them inside of you, have mood swings,
newfound cravings and repulsions, you cannot look beautiful/presentable all the
time, you will gain at least 10-15 kgs, all that weight would not go away any
time soon, you’d be un-waxed - messy for quite some time, you will feed them,
make them burp, there will be sleepless nights – many sleepless nights, many
visits to the doctor, lot of women face post partum depression, your sex life
will also be on a halt for quite some time. You have to be able to take proper
care, give him/her your time, make your presence felt, touch them, watch them
sleep, listen to their first word, watch him/her take their first step, read
them a story, change their diapers a hundred times, teach them, provide them,
make them better people. There is so much of effort to be put in, it is not a
fun exercise.
I read somewhere that it is very easy to become a
father, but difficult to be one. Same goes for the mother I suppose. Hence, I think
personally, it should be planned. Only when a couple is really ready, should
they plan on having a baby. It is only then that they will be able to do
justice to their hopes as a parent, to the baby’s future and to their own
future too. Take baby steps… :)
So, if you decide to wait – cherish the days that
you have now… because you two would never be this young, wild and free again. :)
And if, you go ahead one day and decide you want to
be parents. In that case, men do remember –
One fine day, you are proud parents of a healthy
baby boy or a girl and are just done celebrating his/her first birthday – someone
pops up the Post Graduation level question…
DAFAQ! ;) THIS NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? :P
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