As soon as I opened my eyes today morning, I saw him sleep
peacefully next to me. I smiled, placed a peck on his forehead and turned over.
As I lay in our bed; I thought about how time really flew by! In sometime it’ll
be an year of having been married to this loving man.
An year of
togetherness, of smiles, of kisses and hugs, of arguments and tears, and then
some more kisses and hugs, it has been one hell of a ride with him. It is never all rosy and perfect; every relationship goes through their rough patches,
majorly because it’s huge! Being married and suddenly sharing your room and
your life : is big! There are bound to be your differences, but the beauty is
in how you learn to accept those differences and be perfect in your imperfect
ways! :)
It could be a thing
as small as, which side of the bed you sleep to as big as, adjusting with your
partner who is of another faith. The differences are of many kinds.
I write today’s post
on behalf of all the newly married couples. I’m grateful to all the couples who
have taken out time and given their inputs, to make this blog post possible.
This post tells you, my readers that Marriage is not all that scary, when
you’ve wisely made a choice of your better half, everything falls right in
place! :)
It is about how a year of being married changes you in ways you had never imagined and how your better half becomes the most important person in your life! :)
When you get married,
be it love or arranged… it requires commitment. You decide to spend your entire
life with one person. Marriage, as I see it; happens to be a once in a lifetime
thing. Make sure that you choose your partner wisely. As I have already
mentioned above that you need to commit yourself to your chosen one, you also
have to compromise and be adjusting, considerate of others feelings and
emotional state. You need to keep up the promises you make and stop doing
things that hurt the other(teasing someone is different). Respect is one big
thing – respecting each other’s likes and dislikes, differences, respecting the
individual. Your words should coincide with your actions. Always be open and
honest about your past, sure about your present and together look forward at
the future that lies ahead of you.
When on one hand, I see
couples struggle to get past their rough patch, I see some couple cruise past
and smoothed out their rough edges. How? How does that happen?
It can happen only
when you ‘respect your differences’, ‘talk about the issues you may have each
other’, and ‘find a solution to the problem’. No relationship even the most
sweet or perfect one (as it may appear to you on Facebook) is untouched by its
tough or testing times. Always remember that forgiveness is a virtue,
apologizing doesn’t make you smaller. Sort out your problems; never carry them
over to the next day. Never sleep without hugging/wishing each other good
night! That worked for my parents and is sure is working for us.
To make this post
feel more real to you, I asked some of my friends, relatives and seniors (who
are all one year into Being Married ) to
give in their inputs for this blog post of mine. I am so obliged and I’d like
to extend my note of thanks to Kriti di and Ankur Bhaiya, Lovy Di and Gaurav
Bhaiya, Grace and Sherry Mausa, Shiraaji Di and Sultan Jiju and to Shashaank
(you all know him by now) and myself ;) :D
I asked them separately, “what one year of being married feels like
“and “how an year of being married changes you in ways you could have never
imagined” :)
[ Separately because, I wanted both the
Husband and the Wife to come out with their perspectives. Usually, marriage is
mostly about the Bride, but let’s not ignore the Groom, his jitters and his
angle. ]
Kriti Kohli Varma & Ankur Varma (love)
Kriti – You have
someone who has your back all the time.. that’s a lovely feeling! You grt to
know the nitty gritties of each other and fall in love more and more each day.
Nothing extra ordinary happens but you realize how much the littlest of things
give you immense happiness. All your ideas/feelings/thoughts are shared
understood and supported. Of course, you did and still do have a family and
friends too for this; but husband Wife become each others’ first priority J . ummm..for me nothing
changed as such, because we live alone and have had a long courtship so
everything remains pretty much the same. Maybe I have just started cooking more
and he has started helping out in Vegetable shopping and household jobs more. :)
Ankur – Being
married is one of those stages in life which not only changes them as a human
being but also on a day to day level… you have to be more responsible, more
caring, more understanding, more affectionate and moreover much more mature to
deal with life. These things might look like a big deal but actually marriage
makes you doubly strong because now you have another person in your life who is
there to help you run this marathon called life. This is actually the best part
of marriage. For me it has been a great experience as I married the love of my
life. Knowing her for a good time of 3 years before marriage gave me a big
insight into her. Though the tag ‘Marriage’ means a big deal but for me it was
more like a permission to be now able to spend more time with her without
raising eyeballs :P. Marriage has made me more responsible and at the same time
more lazy. Responsible because now I have to ensure her happiness and safety
above mine and lazy because, I know that at the back of my mind that she is
there to take care of a lot of things. So it’s a win win situation. Marriage
has not changed my love or me as a person but it has made me more caring
towards her in a different way as I keep her as my priority. Marriage has
brought more happiness and more joy than
ever as I have another person to share it with and has given me someone who
will always love me regardless of my decisions or steps in life. The feeling of
knowing that I have someone who I can blindly trust and fall back on is the
best! Yes there are fights and arguments and differences and everything else
but that is the spicy part of marriage and it actually makes us grow stronger
as we know each other well and are able to overcome the differences. So, for me
as I began, was just a permission to be with her and stay with her for a
lifetime, this one year changed me into a more loving husband, caring partner.
A little bit more relying on her for things and definitely a little more
irritable ( only in some situations ),
but I guess the goods and the bads make us more happy together. Before
marriage I wanted a perfect life, after marriage I want it to a little
imperfect so that I could make it perfect with her by my side… Cheers to
marriage!!
p.s. not to forget, no matter what…the key to happy married
life --- Your wife is always right. Always keep her happy :P hahahaha…
Grace Sanwal Masih & Sherry Masih (arranged)
Grace – So, I
really thought, but I really don’t think there is much of a change in both of
us. I mean I had been staying away from home for 8 years so, I learnt
responsibility and independence then.. I guess one thing that’s changed is,
that I also feel responsible for him, his dau to day needs, and maybe a less
responsible for myself because I know he’s there. I guess I have become a
little dependent which I never was. Other than that, there is no such
unexpected change. :)
Sherry – for me
especially, there were a lot of things I had to think about: 1) Grace leaving
India, 2) Leaving her family and moving to a new country, 3) Grace trying to
adjust to a new life, without having her friends around etc. however, all these
things helped me understand her needs better and after marriage when we moved
to the US, I was very open on her being independent and didn’t put any kinds of
restrictions on her. The best part of being married is to come home after a
long day of work and having someone waiting for you at home and you can talk to
them about anything. I feel our marriage is based more on friendship, we don’t
feel like we’re married at all. As time passes you get to learn each others
needs and accumulate yourself according to that. Marriage has been a blessing
to me and I am very happy to have found someone like Grace.
Shiraaji Singh Bist & Sultan Bist ( love )
Shiraaji – There
are a lot of changes after marriage, our duties and responsibilities are limited
to our maternal home. After marriage, we are suddenly in charge of everything
- no time for procrastination. we learn
to multitask, plan and manage our every single day. We learn to let go off a
lot of things. There are issues in marriages big or small, fights/
disagreements too. We realize that dwelling and dragging issues at the cost of
our happiness is just not worth it. Priorities change; it is all about home.
From chocolate aisle as a kid to beauty/apparels when in college to home décor
and grocery after marriage. But then, you are never alone, never ever! :) you always have that
one person with whom you can talk about anthing. You can be a total maniac/ be
yourself and you know that he wouldn’t judge you. Having a husband is like
having a baby. So, by the time you have one: you know what to expect. Little
things that we took for granted become so special after marriage. A cup of tea
or coffee that he makes for you, or a bar of chocolate that he brings to you –
all so romantic! And.. if you are blessed with an amazing husband, you get to
do many things in life that you wanted to but for some reason could not.
Marriage isn’t necessarily the end of dreams as portrayed by those ‘feminists’.
For some, marriage fulfils many of our dreams. :)
Sultan – Before
marriage I only knew 7 colours, ‘Vibgyor’. Now, I know colours like: Beige,
Mauve,Baby Pink, Magenta and God knows what! :P anyway, before marriage I tend
to stay more at the office cause there was no incentive to go home, now I look
forward to be home as soon as time is up. I look forward to leaves and
holidays. I was never in the habit to clean up my house, I still don’t do it although,
now if I dirty it, I feel guilty. Nothing as such has changed :) life is good.
Rebecca Luther Singh & Shashaank Singh (arranged)
Rebecca – Marriage
for me can be summed up in two words– Responsibility and Liberation. I have
always been a responsible person all my life even as a child I would put things
right, while other kids would be creating a mess. I still am a perfectionist. I
am the only child of my parents and unlike the conventional thinking – I was
never spoilt and in fact, my parents walked an extra mile to ensure that I
break the stereotypical single child image. I have been brought up in a way
where I never shy away from responsibility and also to be adjusting and kind
and courteous to everyone. Even after marriage, I tried my best to shoulder the
responsibility, to be accepted by everyone. In a years time I see where I have
reached, learnt so much and matured over the period of time. It takes time: you
are new to the roles that you now have to portray, the environment is new and
everything else is new too! With supportive and encouraging in laws and a
loving husband- everything falls in place. J
when it comes to liberation, yes… there are so many things that I do now, which
I couldn’t before marriage. When you have cool in laws and an even more cool
husband, it does happen. I wear shorts, which I stopped wearing after I reached
the age of 12-14 I guess , still laugh loud ( my laughter is widely known and
can be heard down the street! ) , eat out on weekends. I cook! That was one thing I never thought I would love to do.
Yes, I am married. It has been so easy for me to grow into this mould, so easy
so fast. It couldn’t have been without the support of my in laws and my
husband.
He is like a friend to me. Ever since, I spoke to him
(arranged marriage scenario) for the first time I knew that conversation with
him would just flow and it still does. The little joys that he brings, those
efforts he makes. The cuddles, the joy of watching a movie together, drinking
coffee sitting in the blanket, sometimes when he says that he will cook, when I
am on my periods: he’d get me hot water bottle & do the dishes, when I get
a headache he massages my head and I do the same for him. He has always been so
supportive of me, loved me the way I am, never wanted me to change a single
thing about me. We’d on bike rides and coffee dates and dinners and come back
to a cozy home. He’s instilled new confidence (dileri) in me ( being married
does that to you – incase, you weren’t all that confident before you know :) ) , added newfound
flavours in my life! I have started enjoying spicy food, pulp fiction, star
wars, edm :D he helps me pick out the right shade of red lipstick to wear with
my dress or the best choice of neckpiece to go along with it. At the end of a
tiring day, one hug is enough to take all the worries away. Life may not always
be perfect, of course: you are two different individuals from two different
backgrounds…it takes a while to adjust to the changes but it is all worth it.
You may have arguments – never let it be because of a third person ( never let
them in ) , and all that matters is how fast you both get back to being normal.
He becomes your world and it breaks your heart a little to stay away from him. If
I had a chance, I would do it all over again with him :)
Shashaank – I
feel like it is divine intervention that we are together because I could have
never asked for somebody more perfect for me even in my dreams and to find her
in my arms, it does feel like a dream to me, something that I don’t want to
wake up from. When I wake up every morning, I see her there, next to me and I
know that it is all real, it is all true… and, the way it has changed me? I am
not that cynical about life anymore, I know dreams come true and that this is
what life is. I know that it is not just what you read about or watch in movies
or all that writers write in novels and poems, I know it is not just
imagination. It happens to me every day! Every moment. To share your life with
someone like this, to be responsible for someone, I hope I am doing a good job J how marriage has
changed me? Well, she sure does bring out the kid in me! She re-introduced me
to the innocence, which I thought I had lost forever :) ( you know how you grow up
and this world robs you off your childishness and then you wish that you could
go back to being a kid again? That wish just came true for me, at least J, ‘cause she came along!
) she showed me who I really was. Before I decided on getting married, I
thought to myself what I wanted in my life partner… I wanted to be with someone
who gets me completely and whom I get totally. Glad I found her. I know that
being with someone who doesn’t like the same thing that you do, doesn’t really
make that person your soulmate but, hating the same things/stuff that you do,
does ;) hahaha… I love the fact that she hates Big Boss or Cheesy Hindi flicks
: SRK Movies and I love the fact that she loves Star Wars! What kind of a nerd
would I be? I married a nerd wife! :D She is my soulmate, in every sense of the
word, and I wouldn’t want to change anything about us! But, if I could, I would
stop her tears, ’cause they are precious. I always knew household work because
I had been on my own ever since I was 24, and I still help out in household
chores once in a while although she doesn’t let me do it because she is quite a
Monica :P I hate shopping, she loves it…but, I accompany her because I know she
likes it :)Small little everyday things change, in such a way that you don’t even realize :) otherwise, at times we
don’t even feel like we’re married :D
Lovy Saxena Sharma & Gaurav Sharma (love)
Lovy – life
happens to us in least expected ways, yes getting hitched to the right guy is
every girl’s dream but, ‘happily ever after’ for sure begins when you happen to
have the one for your entire life and I am abundantly blessed J Shaadi unknowingly
brings in innumerable changes. You evolve as individual and more as a partner.
I have him for all my life and know that there is someone who belongs to me
more than anyone else. The constant support – who is all for me. Compatibility
makes it all the more relishing. After a log day I know that he is there –
waiting to treat me the best and take away all the stress. It is not always the
same cause life is not all roses. With good days comes the bad ones too. But,
when there is the surety of him coming back to you after the most atrocious
argument or disagreement: then you thank God for keeping you as his chosen
ones. Often, when I look back to the last year I find myself coming so far in
life. Playing so many roles and struggling to excel in all of them. Where the
day keeps the leopardess busy managing work and her staff confidently, on the
inside the little cat wishes to be pampered and craves for the attention as the
day comes to an end. When you are taken care of, it is amazing. He is your
priority and everything revolves around him. When you sit back and think, you realize
how some of the things you wanted the most exist nowhere. Suddenly, so many
other things pile upon your hobbies: there was once a time when I would be with
my earphones and sing along to my favorite song. You learn to compromise for
him and avoid ego hassles. At times you also question yourself- if it was the
right decision you made for yourself, could it have been better elsewhere? Is
it difficult cause its him, or could it be easier otherwise? Your mind is
clouded with such thoughts. But the wiser me says that it was destined. Just
had to happen this way. Meet, fall in love and get married. He has surely
blessed me with a wonderful life partner. Human brain works this way: one
moment it has you thanking the almighty for giving him to you, and in another
moment you doubt your decision, but, Life teaches us so many things. Shadi ka
laddoo is no forbidden and should not be missed. It is sweet and sour and that
is how it works as the perfect flavor for you. :)
Gaurav – I got
married to a girl who I wanted to irrespective of all the obstacle drones. Now
the post marriage postmortem is like. You get a new set of complimentary
parents who are equally loving and caring. You get a loving wife who cooks
delicious food for you and also gives you the courage of doing things ( well if
she is actually like that ) which you never had the guts of doing or saying to
others. I have personally been induced with some kind of sense for respect that
you never thought was important coz you never had that kind of... Ummm... Let
us say sense... You never had that kind of sense. Well marriage is of course
not a bed of roses, sometimes you quarrel... Sometimes you are apart, sometimes
you are sick but how an individual reacts even after the maximity of these
parameters, define your marital compatibility. After marriage a guy like me who
never ever gave a damn about anything
now even has to sometimes think,.,. What will be the repercussions? You have to listen to (metaphorically
speaking) Oscar Wilde’s lectures. You have to maintain a balance between your
families. You can never take sides and
because she is my responsibility sometimes you have to. You need to be on a continuous lookout that
what all places you can things you can do and what all things you can't do in
front of your bibi. Your friends, family, siblings every single person in this
world starts thinking that now your world revolves around this girl and then
you have to make them understand that no, my world does not revolve around her;
in fact she is my world now and yes I want you all to be a part of my world as
well, so in the end half the guys lose
half of their friends.
******
I extend my heartfelt gratitude to all the couples whose
inputs helped me make this blog post a success. I hope it gives a heads up to
those couples who are just married, plan to be married, or even those of my
readers who get jittery when it comes to marriage.
So, my married readers, pick up your phones and text your better halves this line in quotes! ;) :*
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