Let’s Not Be Skeptical About It.

[ based on personal experience and experiences of others like me. This doesn’t advocate for a certain concept and deny the other. It merely throws light on a topic from a different and a true angle. A topic which has been viewed judgmentally, since always. ]

Now this is something, I’ve been meaning to write about and share with everyone and by everyone,  I mean ‘Everyone’. This is something, 90% Indians end up doing, for whatever reasons concerned. Be it – Mummy Daddy’s dream that one wishes to fulfill, a broken relationship in the past that one tries to escape from [ you know, once bitten twice shy: sort of thing]  , lost love , family pressure or other such circumstances or by their own free will. Yet, this is one thing we are highly judgmental about and we seem to live with certain pre conceived notion for the same.

Yes, I am talking about Arranged Marriages.

Before I proceed any further, I’d like to bring to your notice some statistics that show how India and the World perceive arranged marriages.

• 96% of Northern India , 77% of Southern India  and 74% of Indians as a whole prefer arranged marriages over freely chosen marriages. So, at an average 86.5% Indians opt for arranged marriages.

• Around 75% of Indians, including 82% women and 68% men still prefer arranged marriages.

•   Astonishingly, the percentage of arranged marriage in the world stands at a majority of 55%

• The Average Divorce Rate globally on arranged marriages winds up at 4%

• Whereas, in India the DR is as low as 1.1% , which may be considered as an achievement in itself given that the failure rate is almost negligible. 

I was never interested in knowing how successful arranged marriages were, because I always favored and dreamt of having a Love marriage. With my knight in shining amour sweeping me off my feet with a dream proposal. I would go around sharing pictures on Facebook which would read like:- ‘ Arranged Marriage is such a funny concept, all your life you are taught to not talk to strangers and suddenly you are asked to sleep with one.’ So on and so forth. I mocked the existence of it. Although, I’ve been a witness to so many happily married couples who fell in love with someone whom they hadn’t dated before. 

I always thought that all of I dreamed of, could be possible only with someone whom I already knew. I always thought that only he would understand me, who has dated me. I always thought that a certain level of intimacy could be maintained and shared with someone I knew. I always thought that love happened only before marriage and that once you got married / there were talks of marriage, you got no option but to go with the flow.

How grossly wrong was I?

There is nothing different in falling in love. Love stories might be different but, there is nothing unique about it. It’s two people who meet, begin to like each other, start dating, grow fonder of each other. Hence, they fall in love. If everything goes on to be well and good. They think of getting married. That’s about it. Other times, when a relationship doesn’t work out, you feel it never will. You feel you are done with love in this life at least. But, then after few days or months.. You meet someone else and feel as though he/she reads you like no other. You fall in love again, hard and fast. Feeling as if you’ve never loved like this before! Yes. That’s the magic of love and that’s how powerful human heart is. Otherwise we have no idea of how this human race would have pulled along until now! 

 When we talk of marriages, they are something that are truly made in heaven. Marriages are like fingerprints, each one is different and unique. Trust me when I say that. When you’re in love and want to really spend your lifetime with that one special person.. it’s magical! God grants your wish and you two become one. Then, comes the hard part. Maintaining that love, no matter what. There will be tough times guaranteed, moments of arguments, disagreements, difference of opinions. But, the love that you hold for each other in your hearts must always surpass these momentary altercations. Fall in love with each other every day, for some little thing that he/she does for you. Never holds grudges against each other and never compare him/her to the him/her before marriage. Understand, that certain changes in human behavior take place due to change in circumstances. Life is not rosy all the way. Always remember that when you got each other by your side, it’ll make your journey worthwhile!

That was a little about love marriages. Now, I’d come to what my post is about. My personal experience which I wished to share with all of you. I’ve already written about what ideas floated through my head, regarding marriage. FYI; I had an arranged marriage. To me it was the most beautiful thing to have ever happened to me, and I think my husband feels exactly the same way. We both belonged to the set of ‘Disbelievers in arranged marriages’. That was the first similarity we had. And, then there was no stopping. The alliance was initiated by family friends, then we had to get to know each other and our families (of course, we needed to. One must always see whether you are both somewhere on or near to the same frequency. Also, you don’t just marry a person: you marry the family.) , then started the exchange of messages, long chats late into the night on WhatsApp and phone calls. ( doesn’t it ring a bell? ) after three months we got engaged ! Three months more and we were there, tied in the threads of togetherness which would last a lifetime. We were hitched!

Till today we both talk about this thing that happened in our lives, which changed our views , our beliefs and our lives all together. It’s truly magical, how two people who didn’t know anything about each other’s existence, are suddenly brought together by the conspiracy of the cosmos and Bam! Everything falls into place. Everything makes sense. It is such a special feeling, getting to know someone slowly and steadily , falling for them , being their all , accepting their weaknesses because you know that you’re not that strong either. You grow in love, which is hard to understand and sometimes I feel there is no need for such brain storming. It’s love. It happens when you least expect it. It happens and it’s magical. You got to work for it. You got to make it work; it is all in your hands. To make it or break it. You got to have faith!  Never give up when times are tough. Stay committed, keeping telling and showing each other how much you love them. Live like best friends; don’t hide your past because everyone has it. Live in your present with him/her. Dream and work for your beautiful future.

So, my people.. It’s not always the way you perceive arranged marriages to be like. We are modern, progressive people and we deal with everything in that fashion. And, don’t you see? Arranged marriage means: you dating him/her, with the entire family being happy about you doing it! ;) :D You may be ready for marriage at any age. It has got nothing to do with it. Sure does mean responsibilities, but always have faith in yourself, and in the Almighty. He has made all of us so strong, that we match up with all our roles. We mature into wise women and also does he bless boys. They change post marriage. They become men. And, don’t we all know how Boys are different to Men? ;) Your belief and your love surely does bring a lot of change in your man, trust me !

Getting married is easy, but staying married requires lots of efforts, compromises, self control and compatibility. It all comes down to how well you vibe with him or her. Either you met him/her and chose him/her or you met him/her with the consensus of the family and chose him/her, you must be compatible. Always look for that spark between the both of you and when you find it: don’t let go. When you start reading each other’s face, that’s when you know, yours was a match made surely in heaven!

Love Or Arranged. Have that kind of a marriage, which makes your kids want to get married.

I pray a special prayer for all those who are married and for the to-be-married…

May You Never Wake Up From This Hypnosis, May This Spell That Has Been Cast On You, Never Fade!